So far from 'home'. Travel sickness. Unfamiliar sights, sounds, tastes. Strangers. The struggle to adjust to a different language. Phases of abject boredom. Holidays can be so challenging! Another really touching post, Lani.
Another amazing and entertaining chapter, Lani! And full of depth at the same time. I love how you weave your own self-critical self-reflections in and out of everyday events, the discovery that you can be utterly on your own while surrounded by 'your people', and the growing compassion and admiration for your younger brother, who "was entering puberty when his sister was going through teenage hell and his mother through early menopause." Poor Larry! He truly managed exceptionally well. Sounds almost like he stepped up to being 'the man in the family'.
What a lovely way to put it. Yes, he was called to be the man of the family, probably more times than I consciously picked up.
I suppose I was self-aware enough during those years because of the unusual circumstances ~ or maybe we all are during teen years. I don’t know. It’s an interesting idea to contemplate. Thanks for reading, Veronika! 🙏🙂
I think it is a gift to have been able to share this experience with your mother. Seeing her in her "natural environment" gave you the opportunity to glimpse a side of her, which probably remains hidden most of the time.
It is also nice that your mother and you know both culture, Thai and US/Hawai. You share a common knowledge that can make your interactions richer. I struggled so often with my family because they have not lived similar experiences as mine, nor understand the cultures of the countries I lived (in most cases). Some of my comments simply go unnoticed or they looked at me with puzzled look. In other cases, I have to hear some of their comments, often based in sterotypes.
So, what a wonderful thing to travel to Thailand with your family!
Thanks, Lauca. That's a really lovely way to put it. And I have to remind myself that even though I wasn't raised Thai, I have spent a fair amount of time there which does help bridge the gap between us. Also, Hawaii is its own unique culture, too. 🌺I'm glad you're there for your family to be that 'different one' because, as you say, it makes your interactions richer, if not more dynamic and interesting! xo
The description of the durian. The poignancy of Larry finding himself via checkers. Your mum cooking in a circle of stones. And the BattleTech box that somehow manages to look extremely dated now! Lani, this was super - you capture so much in so few words and I especially enjoy the way you can present *exactly* how a sarcastic, (all-knowing yet unsure) teen feels. Completely on target yet again!! P.S. Your hair! Such a classic.
80s hair never gets old. 😅The wonderment continues to grow, but I’m so glad that it helped to define a decade because we don’t have that anymore. I feel like from the 90s on, clothing and fashion looks the same.
And thank you, as always, for appreciating these details that help move a story (a moment in time!) forward ~ xxoo 🙏
I love your teenage face in that photo--and even more than you were the worst Girl Scout ever on that trip. (I sometimes read accounts of other women's teenage experiences and think, was I the only bi*ch, looking down my nose at all the stupid things my parents liked?) I love hearing about your relationship with your brother, too. My brother and I fought tooth-and-nail! Also, I'm still laughing about La-lee, which is pretty cute! My guys took Tae Kwon Do when they were little, and their Korean instructor couldn't say Rowan's name to his liking. One day, he'd had enough and burst out in his little kid voice: "My name's not Lowan!"
It's so cringy, right? to think about how horrible we were as teens. So, whenever I'm around them, which is pretty regularly since that's who I primarily teach, I'm like, yeah, I get that. Yup.
I believe I am a very open minded eater and can eat almost anything edible, but durian? No thank you!
I could relay to so many things in the story and it brought back so much memories. Thank you, Lani!
Oh, and that crazy perm? I had one, just yesterday on my cat sitting (for my son) trip in San Jose. I have been receiving relentless mocking from my family and friends! 🤣
Fermented shrimp paste — yes — Durian, no 🤣. I love the photo which sums up the teenage resistance and despite your sulking, the affection for your brother shines through which made my heart sing, in between laughing. Your mum — what a wonderful picture you paint of her character, her resourcefulness. I love her. And customs — I am picturing those doors. Hilarious. I am sensing you might have your mum's sense of humour? Thank you, you are a fabulous story teller. 🙏😊💚
I love it! I'm discovering other non-durian fans! 😁And I'm so grateful her character is coming through, because she is quite the character. My husband, during the early days of the manuscript, told me that she's the rockstar of the book--and that shocked me. I swear, I feel so out-of-touch with how my writing will be received. I try to be objective though because I want to trust the reader to come to her own conclusions. And thank you! You're a fab storyteller yourself! xxoo
She is the rockstar and you’re a rock-ette 🤣 🙏🙌🏻😊❤️. I read it as you not necessarily being objective, l read it as you being an incredibly compassionate young woman, even in your teenage angst 😊
“But Thailand’s a special kind of oven!” Hahaha, what a great line!
Thank you so much, Lani, for sharing another chapter from your laugh-out-loud, deeply human forthcoming memoir. What’s not to love?! For you capture the awkwardness of your adolescence and the beauty of family life so well and with such grace … especially in the way you reflect on your whinny, sulky teenage resistance and your brother’s open-hearted curiosity (What does Larry make of these stories, he must love them!). That moment under the stilted house, where a checkerboard bridged language and distance … felt like a quiet miracle!
And your brilliant, beautiful mother … ever resourceful, ever dramatic, ever rooted and radiant in her element … emerges as a quiet (maybe not so quiet!) tour de force. Her fire-building and durian defiance are etched with such love and resilience. From Larry’s sandwich-fuelled downfall to the customs-clearing power of dried fish … you bring each and every scene to life with such vivid detail and emotional clarity.
And there it is, what I love best! For beneath the chaos and comedy runs such a strong, loving thread of fierce familial bond … imperfect, enduring, and so full of heart.
“No,” Mom replied, as cool as a crocodile with cucumbers on her eyelids … again, what a line!
You let us glimpse the vulnerability behind the bravado, the love behind the eye rolls, and the strength behind your mother’s calm. This is storytelling at its ab-soul-ute best, that doesn’t just entertain … it connects, deeply … heart to heart to heart. Wow! Thank you so very much, Lani, for letting us travel with you.
Oh, and tell me there’s a part three. Tell me this story will continue. Pleeease! 🙏💖
You are too kind, Deborah! Thanks so much 🙏🙏🙏Unfortunately, this is the last of Thailand 1989, but I return later as an adult.
You know, I've been too scared to let my brother see it, but I know he needs to at some point. In fact, I don't share these with my friends on FB, for example. I suppose that's another moment I need to face as well. The problem with social media, in my defense, is that there are former students, etc, etc, to also consider. I have to think about it. Thanks for bringing it up.
And I'm very glad to hear that it's been entertaining! I love to make people laugh! xo
You're so welcome, Lani. What an amazing memoir this is going to be!
And I completely get where you’re coming from re navigating online visibility when your work has held such responsibility ... it's no small thing. For the short time I had a Facebook account, mine was private too ... for many of the same reasons. But now, as I step into my final year as a therapist with just a few beloved, (long-term) clients remaining, I can feel that quiet shift from role to soul ... less about guarding, more about offering.
I love that you love to laugh ... and you're so good at it!
I trust you'll know when the moment is right with Larry. Why, just this week, I released my voice to the universe for the first time, just shy of sixty-two. xo
Ahh, yes I'm quite familiar with durian...if the hibiscus is the national flower of Malaysia, durian is definitely the national fruit. A gelato maker in my city even sells durian gelato because it's a hit with the huge Asian community here. Long live the "king of fruits", hahaha.
Also, on: "I was the receiver of many dirty looks. Asians give the best dirty looks." You are absolutely spot on, lol.
Lolololol. Mangosteen is an option, but the jury is still out on that…we have rambutan, ciku, jackfruit, mangoes and other candidates. Yay to special gifts, haha.
I really enjoy these episodes, from the reference to 'Sweet Sixteen' to everything you went through in Thailand and the dynamics of seeing your mom operate in her host culture.
Also brought a few of my own episodes where I ended up in social situations where I was forced to stay polite and smile while forcing down a piece of durian 🤢 and how I struggled 'in return'to learn some of the Thai sounds.
I always thought if I had a girl I would call her Lila, short for Lilawadee - my favorite flower.
Since you didn't have a girl, would the name Larry have sufficed?
I was often asked if I had tried durian, and my resounding NO probably made them laugh. I think Thais understand that its an acquired taste. 😅
And yes, thanks for picking up on that. Mom is so confident in Thai, and much more a meek and agreeable person in English due to her lower level. But! I will say her humor still comes through. 🙏Thanks, Dorette!
So far from 'home'. Travel sickness. Unfamiliar sights, sounds, tastes. Strangers. The struggle to adjust to a different language. Phases of abject boredom. Holidays can be so challenging! Another really touching post, Lani.
Thanks again, James.
Another amazing and entertaining chapter, Lani! And full of depth at the same time. I love how you weave your own self-critical self-reflections in and out of everyday events, the discovery that you can be utterly on your own while surrounded by 'your people', and the growing compassion and admiration for your younger brother, who "was entering puberty when his sister was going through teenage hell and his mother through early menopause." Poor Larry! He truly managed exceptionally well. Sounds almost like he stepped up to being 'the man in the family'.
What a lovely way to put it. Yes, he was called to be the man of the family, probably more times than I consciously picked up.
I suppose I was self-aware enough during those years because of the unusual circumstances ~ or maybe we all are during teen years. I don’t know. It’s an interesting idea to contemplate. Thanks for reading, Veronika! 🙏🙂
I think it is a gift to have been able to share this experience with your mother. Seeing her in her "natural environment" gave you the opportunity to glimpse a side of her, which probably remains hidden most of the time.
It is also nice that your mother and you know both culture, Thai and US/Hawai. You share a common knowledge that can make your interactions richer. I struggled so often with my family because they have not lived similar experiences as mine, nor understand the cultures of the countries I lived (in most cases). Some of my comments simply go unnoticed or they looked at me with puzzled look. In other cases, I have to hear some of their comments, often based in sterotypes.
So, what a wonderful thing to travel to Thailand with your family!
Thanks, Lauca. That's a really lovely way to put it. And I have to remind myself that even though I wasn't raised Thai, I have spent a fair amount of time there which does help bridge the gap between us. Also, Hawaii is its own unique culture, too. 🌺I'm glad you're there for your family to be that 'different one' because, as you say, it makes your interactions richer, if not more dynamic and interesting! xo
The description of the durian. The poignancy of Larry finding himself via checkers. Your mum cooking in a circle of stones. And the BattleTech box that somehow manages to look extremely dated now! Lani, this was super - you capture so much in so few words and I especially enjoy the way you can present *exactly* how a sarcastic, (all-knowing yet unsure) teen feels. Completely on target yet again!! P.S. Your hair! Such a classic.
80s hair never gets old. 😅The wonderment continues to grow, but I’m so glad that it helped to define a decade because we don’t have that anymore. I feel like from the 90s on, clothing and fashion looks the same.
And thank you, as always, for appreciating these details that help move a story (a moment in time!) forward ~ xxoo 🙏
These posts always makes me smile, Lani!
And having lived in Asia for a few years, they do give the best dirty looks 🫣🤣
Glad to hear it, Sarah! Grateful 🙏🙏🙏
That perm!!!!
This is a wonderful piece, Lani; for me, one of your best! A rich blend of humour and pathos.
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it 😍🥰 Such a lovely feeling with writing lands.
I agree - the perm is fabulous!
I love your teenage face in that photo--and even more than you were the worst Girl Scout ever on that trip. (I sometimes read accounts of other women's teenage experiences and think, was I the only bi*ch, looking down my nose at all the stupid things my parents liked?) I love hearing about your relationship with your brother, too. My brother and I fought tooth-and-nail! Also, I'm still laughing about La-lee, which is pretty cute! My guys took Tae Kwon Do when they were little, and their Korean instructor couldn't say Rowan's name to his liking. One day, he'd had enough and burst out in his little kid voice: "My name's not Lowan!"
My name's not Lowan! 😂😂😂
It's so cringy, right? to think about how horrible we were as teens. So, whenever I'm around them, which is pretty regularly since that's who I primarily teach, I'm like, yeah, I get that. Yup.
Thanks so much, Rebecca! xo
I believe I am a very open minded eater and can eat almost anything edible, but durian? No thank you!
I could relay to so many things in the story and it brought back so much memories. Thank you, Lani!
Oh, and that crazy perm? I had one, just yesterday on my cat sitting (for my son) trip in San Jose. I have been receiving relentless mocking from my family and friends! 🤣
You have to share a photo, Yi! 😊
Only if Substack would allow to attach a photo to a comment lol! But, nice try Jeffrey! 😆
😊
100%
OMG. NOoooo. It's funny, I got a perm about 5 years or so from my aunt and it was bananas. Like I don't think I can "pull them off" anymore. 😅😅😅
Yes to saying No to durian! 🫠
And I'm happy to take you down memory lane, Yi! xo
Hi Lani,
Fermented shrimp paste — yes — Durian, no 🤣. I love the photo which sums up the teenage resistance and despite your sulking, the affection for your brother shines through which made my heart sing, in between laughing. Your mum — what a wonderful picture you paint of her character, her resourcefulness. I love her. And customs — I am picturing those doors. Hilarious. I am sensing you might have your mum's sense of humour? Thank you, you are a fabulous story teller. 🙏😊💚
I love it! I'm discovering other non-durian fans! 😁And I'm so grateful her character is coming through, because she is quite the character. My husband, during the early days of the manuscript, told me that she's the rockstar of the book--and that shocked me. I swear, I feel so out-of-touch with how my writing will be received. I try to be objective though because I want to trust the reader to come to her own conclusions. And thank you! You're a fab storyteller yourself! xxoo
She is the rockstar and you’re a rock-ette 🤣 🙏🙌🏻😊❤️. I read it as you not necessarily being objective, l read it as you being an incredibly compassionate young woman, even in your teenage angst 😊
Awww, thank you, Simone 🥰💖
🙏💜😊
“But Thailand’s a special kind of oven!” Hahaha, what a great line!
Thank you so much, Lani, for sharing another chapter from your laugh-out-loud, deeply human forthcoming memoir. What’s not to love?! For you capture the awkwardness of your adolescence and the beauty of family life so well and with such grace … especially in the way you reflect on your whinny, sulky teenage resistance and your brother’s open-hearted curiosity (What does Larry make of these stories, he must love them!). That moment under the stilted house, where a checkerboard bridged language and distance … felt like a quiet miracle!
And your brilliant, beautiful mother … ever resourceful, ever dramatic, ever rooted and radiant in her element … emerges as a quiet (maybe not so quiet!) tour de force. Her fire-building and durian defiance are etched with such love and resilience. From Larry’s sandwich-fuelled downfall to the customs-clearing power of dried fish … you bring each and every scene to life with such vivid detail and emotional clarity.
And there it is, what I love best! For beneath the chaos and comedy runs such a strong, loving thread of fierce familial bond … imperfect, enduring, and so full of heart.
“No,” Mom replied, as cool as a crocodile with cucumbers on her eyelids … again, what a line!
You let us glimpse the vulnerability behind the bravado, the love behind the eye rolls, and the strength behind your mother’s calm. This is storytelling at its ab-soul-ute best, that doesn’t just entertain … it connects, deeply … heart to heart to heart. Wow! Thank you so very much, Lani, for letting us travel with you.
Oh, and tell me there’s a part three. Tell me this story will continue. Pleeease! 🙏💖
You are too kind, Deborah! Thanks so much 🙏🙏🙏Unfortunately, this is the last of Thailand 1989, but I return later as an adult.
You know, I've been too scared to let my brother see it, but I know he needs to at some point. In fact, I don't share these with my friends on FB, for example. I suppose that's another moment I need to face as well. The problem with social media, in my defense, is that there are former students, etc, etc, to also consider. I have to think about it. Thanks for bringing it up.
And I'm very glad to hear that it's been entertaining! I love to make people laugh! xo
You're so welcome, Lani. What an amazing memoir this is going to be!
And I completely get where you’re coming from re navigating online visibility when your work has held such responsibility ... it's no small thing. For the short time I had a Facebook account, mine was private too ... for many of the same reasons. But now, as I step into my final year as a therapist with just a few beloved, (long-term) clients remaining, I can feel that quiet shift from role to soul ... less about guarding, more about offering.
I love that you love to laugh ... and you're so good at it!
I trust you'll know when the moment is right with Larry. Why, just this week, I released my voice to the universe for the first time, just shy of sixty-two. xo
Thank you. Yes, I should trust that I will know when it’s the right time. 💞And congratulations on getting your voice 🎤out there! xo
Ahh, yes I'm quite familiar with durian...if the hibiscus is the national flower of Malaysia, durian is definitely the national fruit. A gelato maker in my city even sells durian gelato because it's a hit with the huge Asian community here. Long live the "king of fruits", hahaha.
Also, on: "I was the receiver of many dirty looks. Asians give the best dirty looks." You are absolutely spot on, lol.
The hibiscus 🌺is the Hawaii state flower! And the King of Fruits can take a back seat 😅 What's considered the Queen? Mangosteen?
As far as dirty looks ~ it's a gift. 😉
Lolololol. Mangosteen is an option, but the jury is still out on that…we have rambutan, ciku, jackfruit, mangoes and other candidates. Yay to special gifts, haha.
"If you'd watch, you'd learn." Sounds just like my mom. 😆 She's a good cook, yet I learned none of it.
Ha! We have that in common. Much later when I was trying to learn how to cook Thai dishes, I'd call her up and get the recipe! 🙃
I really enjoy these episodes, from the reference to 'Sweet Sixteen' to everything you went through in Thailand and the dynamics of seeing your mom operate in her host culture.
Also brought a few of my own episodes where I ended up in social situations where I was forced to stay polite and smile while forcing down a piece of durian 🤢 and how I struggled 'in return'to learn some of the Thai sounds.
I always thought if I had a girl I would call her Lila, short for Lilawadee - my favorite flower.
Thank you for sharing!
Since you didn't have a girl, would the name Larry have sufficed?
I was often asked if I had tried durian, and my resounding NO probably made them laugh. I think Thais understand that its an acquired taste. 😅
And yes, thanks for picking up on that. Mom is so confident in Thai, and much more a meek and agreeable person in English due to her lower level. But! I will say her humor still comes through. 🙏Thanks, Dorette!