I really enjoyed this, Lani. I had no idea that Asian women, and probably some men also, had eyelid surgery to make their eyes look bigger until I visited Japan, where I discovered it is a big thing,. That and having whiter skin. What these people donât realize is how beautiful they are, just the way they are. Plastic surgery is great for reconstruction and for obvious problems, but for a normal face, it often makes the person look weird. Thank goodness that your dentist recognized the danger of that chin implant! I smiled at the ânumbâ sensation after surgeryâI had a lower wisdom tooth removed 40 years ago, and the feeling is still not right on my left lower lipâvery embarrassing to have food sitting there and not noticing it!
I believe Seoul, South Korea is the plastic surgery capital of the world. Itâs true, Asians have a completely different take on it. And as we watch more Hollywood types âget a little work doneâ, itâs become normalized in the West.
The white skin is like super long nails ~ it demonstrates a life of luxury, not a hardworking one in the sun. Itâs all about signaling wealth and comfort, right?
Thanks for reading, Carole. I sometimes wonder what future archaeologist will think when they see these silicone objects thoughtfully placed on various parts of the skeleton.
Thatâs an interesting piece of trivia! Iâd say we do a whole lot of that âworkâ here, too, just by watching news reporters. Strange things that we value. I guess weâre probably not going to run out of silicone too soon, either. I wonder how it fossilizes? And can you deduct plastic surgery as a necessary business expense, if youâre on TV or in the movies?
Thank you for sharing, Lani. Funnily enough, when I was 15, I naively asked a classmate: "Am I pretty?" (I was very insecure about my pointy, large nose). She said: "No!" and I was crestfallen because she was a top student and a prefect and someone I looked up to at the time. It took me more than 20 years to "accept" my nose, among other "physical imperfections". Sounds to me like you've come a long way too in embracing your Asian looks. Can't wait to read more of your memoir. :)
Awww, thanks, Sharmila. Iâm sorry that happened to you. Itâs amazing how much weight simple questions carry ~ how much we long to be accepted and seen as beautiful! Is that so wrong? Never! I try to be conscientious of my teenage studentsâ appearances because I know how much a compliment can last.
The thing about noses is the ones with character, yours, are the ones that âdefineâ a face. I remember the now infamous story of Jennifer Gray from Dirty Dancing getting a nose job and how afterwards she was unrecognizable. She wishes she had it back.
And yes to embracing how we look and who we are! đŁđ P.S. Youâre pretty, Sharmila.
Oh mine, I was mortified when I read the part about getting your chin implant in a dental chair đ±! I remember reading parts of this story in Sariâs Oldster, or was it Memoir Land, but this new version left me with a much deeper impression. Thanks for sharing it with us. Lani!
Everyone has such great memory! đ€ŻThanks, Yi. I wondered if I should just use that one, but itâs an entirely different feeling ~ one that you picked up on. Happy New Year, Yi! đđ„ł
Read this twice already. I think you published a similar piece with Oldster? Powerful stuff and well told as usual.
So much to comment on but I do relate hugely to being routinely told at home that I was about a '6 out of 10' and then later, being casually informed by a rude orthodontist that he wouldn't consider straightening my teeth without having my jaw broken and brought forward, and possibly a nose job as well. I used to re-live these comments over and over as I've always been self conscious about my looks. Now, looking back, I feel so angry for allowing him to make me feel like this. And by the way, he wasn't exactly a rock star himself, LOL.
Youâre right, this was on Oldster years ago and I considered using it instead, but itâs a different vibe âletter to your younger selfâ and there was much that I didnât share in that piece.
6 out of 10? Jeezus. I had to read that a couple of times because that is not part of my everyday language! And rude? Youâre putting that gently, what an fuâng ass wipe. Itâs moments like this where I wish I was on a sitcom and I could get up from the chair and slug the person.
LOL thank you! And just to be clear, when I opened with "Read this twice already" I meant TODAY - was not a scolding reference to the Oldster version. Geez! What am I like!? You made me laugh also with this reply :)
On behalf of teenage Lani, I thank you for the hug. Hugs from future to past and so on are always welcomed. đIt's strange how such an experience is easier told in writing and something I rarely discuss face to face.
Greetings Lani, Oh my gaud, heavy fucking duty. Honey, you are brave, you are courageous and you are full of love and compassion, and a great storyteller đ„ and yet I feel you are suffering and youâre going through menopause, which is a crushing burden of the body and blood, Oh my Goddess! I feel for you Lani đ„Čđ
You know the popular book, The Body Keeps the Score, holy shit! Lani are you okay? I care, love Geraldine
đThanks, Geraldine. đ I donât feel particularly brave ~ more like an open book đ but my thanks, truly. Iâm actually alright. Menopause has been gentle (especially compared to others!), but I do have questions, like how long is this going to last? Iâve read crazy numbers which made me realize no one knows. đ±I have heard of The Body Keeps the Score and maybe one day Iâll be big enough to open it. Until then, my gratitude, Geraldine, for your concern and love âŁïžđ
Iâm happy to hear you arenât having a miserable menopause, Lani. I still believe you are brave, braver than I, to be on âopen bookâ takes bravery! Iâm grateful we crossed paths, Geraldine
Oh man, LITERAL goosebumps at the end of this one. And I had read parts before!! Thank you for this gift of story--and of you, thank you for sharing yourself with us here!--as we close out the year.
Thanks, Rebecca. It's CrAzY to relive this one and because of how long ago everything was, it feels like it's happen to someone else. Sometimes I wish it had happened to someone else.
I thought it was interesting how this part landed on the new year ~ I liked the idea of folks taking a pause with me re: our need for reinvention and extreme makeovers.
Hi Lani, what a story, episode, adventure ⊠amazing ⊠l found myself pinching my chin with my free hand as a cradled the phone, trying not to read ahead of your voice ⊠your reading peppers a clarity re feelings - you really take us with you - and always with grace⊠undertones of understanding and compassion. Just fabulous how during and upon ârecoveryâ, there the universe delivers fabulous friends and a lover ⊠the last line, which perfect đđđŒđ„°
Thank youuuu, Simone. đ„° It was an adventure ~ one that I never wanted to embark on đ but there you go. I'm grateful there was a resolution, an ending that involved me safely getting rid of it, as well, as a multisensory đhealing element. These are chapters that feel like you were carried, even when you felt alone.
This is a crazy story! As the South Africans would say: That's so hectic.
đ đIâm sure by now youâve got all the slang down.
I really enjoyed this, Lani. I had no idea that Asian women, and probably some men also, had eyelid surgery to make their eyes look bigger until I visited Japan, where I discovered it is a big thing,. That and having whiter skin. What these people donât realize is how beautiful they are, just the way they are. Plastic surgery is great for reconstruction and for obvious problems, but for a normal face, it often makes the person look weird. Thank goodness that your dentist recognized the danger of that chin implant! I smiled at the ânumbâ sensation after surgeryâI had a lower wisdom tooth removed 40 years ago, and the feeling is still not right on my left lower lipâvery embarrassing to have food sitting there and not noticing it!
I believe Seoul, South Korea is the plastic surgery capital of the world. Itâs true, Asians have a completely different take on it. And as we watch more Hollywood types âget a little work doneâ, itâs become normalized in the West.
The white skin is like super long nails ~ it demonstrates a life of luxury, not a hardworking one in the sun. Itâs all about signaling wealth and comfort, right?
Thanks for reading, Carole. I sometimes wonder what future archaeologist will think when they see these silicone objects thoughtfully placed on various parts of the skeleton.
Thatâs an interesting piece of trivia! Iâd say we do a whole lot of that âworkâ here, too, just by watching news reporters. Strange things that we value. I guess weâre probably not going to run out of silicone too soon, either. I wonder how it fossilizes? And can you deduct plastic surgery as a necessary business expense, if youâre on TV or in the movies?
Thank you for sharing, Lani. Funnily enough, when I was 15, I naively asked a classmate: "Am I pretty?" (I was very insecure about my pointy, large nose). She said: "No!" and I was crestfallen because she was a top student and a prefect and someone I looked up to at the time. It took me more than 20 years to "accept" my nose, among other "physical imperfections". Sounds to me like you've come a long way too in embracing your Asian looks. Can't wait to read more of your memoir. :)
Awww, thanks, Sharmila. Iâm sorry that happened to you. Itâs amazing how much weight simple questions carry ~ how much we long to be accepted and seen as beautiful! Is that so wrong? Never! I try to be conscientious of my teenage studentsâ appearances because I know how much a compliment can last.
The thing about noses is the ones with character, yours, are the ones that âdefineâ a face. I remember the now infamous story of Jennifer Gray from Dirty Dancing getting a nose job and how afterwards she was unrecognizable. She wishes she had it back.
And yes to embracing how we look and who we are! đŁđ P.S. Youâre pretty, Sharmila.
Oh mine, I was mortified when I read the part about getting your chin implant in a dental chair đ±! I remember reading parts of this story in Sariâs Oldster, or was it Memoir Land, but this new version left me with a much deeper impression. Thanks for sharing it with us. Lani!
Happy 2026!
Everyone has such great memory! đ€ŻThanks, Yi. I wondered if I should just use that one, but itâs an entirely different feeling ~ one that you picked up on. Happy New Year, Yi! đđ„ł
Thanks for the restack, Jeffrey!
This essay is way beyond cute, Lani. It's beautful.
Thanks, Jeffrey. đđđ
Read this twice already. I think you published a similar piece with Oldster? Powerful stuff and well told as usual.
So much to comment on but I do relate hugely to being routinely told at home that I was about a '6 out of 10' and then later, being casually informed by a rude orthodontist that he wouldn't consider straightening my teeth without having my jaw broken and brought forward, and possibly a nose job as well. I used to re-live these comments over and over as I've always been self conscious about my looks. Now, looking back, I feel so angry for allowing him to make me feel like this. And by the way, he wasn't exactly a rock star himself, LOL.
Youâre right, this was on Oldster years ago and I considered using it instead, but itâs a different vibe âletter to your younger selfâ and there was much that I didnât share in that piece.
6 out of 10? Jeezus. I had to read that a couple of times because that is not part of my everyday language! And rude? Youâre putting that gently, what an fuâng ass wipe. Itâs moments like this where I wish I was on a sitcom and I could get up from the chair and slug the person.
LOL thank you! And just to be clear, when I opened with "Read this twice already" I meant TODAY - was not a scolding reference to the Oldster version. Geez! What am I like!? You made me laugh also with this reply :)
Oh, good. And yes, I understood what you meant by read twice. đ We are picking up what each other's throwing down. đ
Wow kind of shocking, this unnecessary chin job..
Your life is full of surprises!
There are times when I look back at my life and wonder, but when I started to look through the lens of a writer, it made more sense!
Gosh. What an incredible experience, and told with with so much clarity and courage. I really want to give teenage Lani a big hug.
On behalf of teenage Lani, I thank you for the hug. Hugs from future to past and so on are always welcomed. đIt's strange how such an experience is easier told in writing and something I rarely discuss face to face.
Ha!
I'm so sorry that surgery was forced on you, Lani. You were far too young. What an ordeal!
Yes, I agree, and thanks âŁïžđ All is well.
Greetings Lani, Oh my gaud, heavy fucking duty. Honey, you are brave, you are courageous and you are full of love and compassion, and a great storyteller đ„ and yet I feel you are suffering and youâre going through menopause, which is a crushing burden of the body and blood, Oh my Goddess! I feel for you Lani đ„Čđ
You know the popular book, The Body Keeps the Score, holy shit! Lani are you okay? I care, love Geraldine
đThanks, Geraldine. đ I donât feel particularly brave ~ more like an open book đ but my thanks, truly. Iâm actually alright. Menopause has been gentle (especially compared to others!), but I do have questions, like how long is this going to last? Iâve read crazy numbers which made me realize no one knows. đ±I have heard of The Body Keeps the Score and maybe one day Iâll be big enough to open it. Until then, my gratitude, Geraldine, for your concern and love âŁïžđ
Iâm happy to hear you arenât having a miserable menopause, Lani. I still believe you are brave, braver than I, to be on âopen bookâ takes bravery! Iâm grateful we crossed paths, Geraldine
Me too. đđThanks.
Oh man, LITERAL goosebumps at the end of this one. And I had read parts before!! Thank you for this gift of story--and of you, thank you for sharing yourself with us here!--as we close out the year.
Thanks, Rebecca. It's CrAzY to relive this one and because of how long ago everything was, it feels like it's happen to someone else. Sometimes I wish it had happened to someone else.
I thought it was interesting how this part landed on the new year ~ I liked the idea of folks taking a pause with me re: our need for reinvention and extreme makeovers.
Hi Lani, what a story, episode, adventure ⊠amazing ⊠l found myself pinching my chin with my free hand as a cradled the phone, trying not to read ahead of your voice ⊠your reading peppers a clarity re feelings - you really take us with you - and always with grace⊠undertones of understanding and compassion. Just fabulous how during and upon ârecoveryâ, there the universe delivers fabulous friends and a lover ⊠the last line, which perfect đđđŒđ„°
Thank youuuu, Simone. đ„° It was an adventure ~ one that I never wanted to embark on đ but there you go. I'm grateful there was a resolution, an ending that involved me safely getting rid of it, as well, as a multisensory đhealing element. These are chapters that feel like you were carried, even when you felt alone.
Yes, thank goodness it all worked out â all of it đđ. No doubt, we are never alone đ