It's unbelievable how cruel and frankly, stupid people can be. I have to say that your (excellent) writing provides the ultimate intellectual revenge - without hurting anyone.
Your food come-back lines are especially legendary with "Unfrosted Pop-Tart" being a firm favourite with me, lol.
I like that everything circles back to a Buddhist understanding as well. Go Lani go!
Yeah, I don’t blame the teacher, but I suppose it is interesting how he/she/don’t remember didn’t intervene or didn’t even SEE what was happening. H.S. felt so chaotic… Thanks, Sarah. I hope you are having a lovely holiday!
What you're describing are tough rip currents for a teenager to have to navigate!
Your story also reminds me of the radically different perspective we automatically get as 'white Caucasians' in another culture. Having grown up in a multicultural setting, I was never confronted with such insults and humiliation, never had to fend off the onslaught of 'teenage evil'. Only once, I got a taster of racism through a vicarious experience.
We had an exchange student from Ghana staying with us, he happened to be my age, so he had been assigned to attend school in my class. I felt proud to bring a 'special guest' to school, and don't recall any harassment or racist torment whether in class or on the playground... But one day, we were walking home from school, some kids from another school crossed our path and gave us vile looks and used the 'N' word. I remember feeling deep shame on behalf of Kofi (our exchange student). I couldn't wait to get home, where we would be safe from such aggressors. He shrugged it off (probably used to it). We were both 15, old enough to know what was going on, too young or insecure to talk about it. The encounter stuck in my memory as a 'horrific incident', leaving me feeling helpless on behalf of my companion and mortified on behalf of my fellow Causasians.
To have to deal with this on your own as a teenager, feels devastating to me.
At the same time I wholeheartedly agree with your final statement: "I couldn’t rely on accidental rescue again. I’d have to navigate a world that often saw me in ways that didn’t match my inner life. And while I know I’m not alone in that, it’s strange how each of us still has to figure it out for ourselves."
We are all affected by bullies and aggression and violence, and have had to deal with it in different ways.
🙏And thank you, Veronika, for sharing yours. I’ve heard of racist stories from all sides, including against whites, and it doesn’t matter, it all is horrible. I’m very sorry to hear about your Ghanaian guest! I can only imagine ~ as a teen, you do feel things very deeply, but thankfully, I have lived a full life focused on spiritual growth and healing! xo
"I have lived a full life focused on spiritual growth and healing" — sounds like another focus we have in common, Lani. And this shines through in the humour and lightness in your writing xx
Wow Lani — I smiled, I got aggravated — I remembered the systemic and overt racism of the culturally and linguistically diverse community of kids I worked with in Melbourne ... so pissed off with the lack of action of the teachers in the classes where the girls pushed you along — so fabulous you didn't change, whatever prompted change in them — good. Tim, your Mom, their own conscience — all of the above.
Love Hawaii, to grow up in that resilient, diverse and inclusive community — fists, and all. Thank goodness for that blessing of acceptance.
"I am not what other people perceive me to be."
Hoooray — and thank you for reading, gives such depth; I find myself cheering you along. Your final resolve ... a message for us all.
"But I couldn’t rely on accidental rescue again. I’d have to navigate a world that often saw me in ways that didn’t match my inner life. And while I know I’m not alone in that, it’s strange how each of us still has to figure it out for ourselves."
Thank you, Simone! And thank you for letting me know you listen ~ it helps cheer me along because believe it or not, I've had moments wondering if I should put in the effort of recording. For a while there, it felt like crickets. I mean, folks could have been listening. I know there are silent followers, etc, but I appreciate it. Yes, it's been a journey! And so it continues! xxoo
Thanks, Geraldine! 🙏🥰🤗Feeling the love, support, and sisterhood. Despite what happened in the PNW or Colorado, both places have captured my heart and imagination. I haven't heard Earth Muffin, but I love it, might have to claim it 😅 We used to say Granolas and Crunchies.
P.S. I really adore what you've said, so I might share it as a Note if you don't mind! [the first 2 para] Just trying to reach more folks because I know these stories deserve it! xxoo
Lani, thank you so much for sharing these memories with such honesty and courage. The way you’ve woven together your father’s story, your own experiences of racism, and those moments of both pride and hurt makes clear to me how much you’ve carried … and how deeply you’ve reflected on it all.
In listening, I could feel the sting of those taunts and the isolation of being stared at, yet also and much more importantly … the quiet strength in your voice as you keep walking, keep naming, keep remembering. What moves me most is how you ab-soul-utely refused to let those bullying experiences harden into bitterness … instead, you’ve decided to turn them into contemplation, writing, and a deeper knowing of yourself.
And your realisation that you’re not what others perceive you to be, my dear friend, feels like such a hard won Truth … one that shines beyond the cruelty of those encounters. Thank you for sharing your journey; it’s a powerful act of reclamation and resilience, reminding me that while the world may be all too quick to misname any of us … our inner life remains firmly our own.
Thanks so much for being here, Lani. We need you. 🙏💖
Thanks, Deborah! The thing about writing these moments down, sitting with them, and turning them over is you create distance. And as you know, distance brings perspective. Also, so much has happened since then that it feels like another lifetime ago. But you are reminding me that these experiences are part of the building blocks of putting yourself together into a whole being. 🙏🙂💘
I can relate to your stories on multiple fronts. Racism is real, and racism takes on so many different forms, they are racism nevertheless. Some come across as curiosity, some as ignorance; some comes out as anger, some as cruelty; the worst kind hides behind shallow politeness and arrogance.
Unfortunately because its been overused so much, I fear racism has been politicized. I do wonder if what we endured is still going on, as we moved towards more diversity and awareness. My surprise over these matters continues, and I blame my Hawaii upbringing. I was incredibly lucky to grow up in such a diverse place. Thanks, Yi, for being here, xo
It's unbelievable how cruel and frankly, stupid people can be. I have to say that your (excellent) writing provides the ultimate intellectual revenge - without hurting anyone.
Your food come-back lines are especially legendary with "Unfrosted Pop-Tart" being a firm favourite with me, lol.
I like that everything circles back to a Buddhist understanding as well. Go Lani go!
As my hubby and I like to say, “It’s Stupid World” out there. 🤣But hey, it’ s not all bad, connecting with good folks like you, Sue 😁
Thank you for choosing a food put-down favorite.
Hugs! 🙏🎁💞
Reading this I became full of vicarious anger, Lani. The taunts from the students were awful and you were clearly let down by your teachers.
So glad to see how you have soared above them all!
Thank you. Not sure how I feel about soaring above them all, unless, I can be a bird and release a few droppings on them! 🕊️😅
Not what I had in mind, but that works too... 🙂
😅😅😅
I grew up a mostly white neighbourhood in the UK, so I have zero experience of what you would have faced at school and beyond!
Ugh and as a teacher (and just being a human being) reading that your teacher did nothing to support you against those girls. ARGH
Yeah, I don’t blame the teacher, but I suppose it is interesting how he/she/don’t remember didn’t intervene or didn’t even SEE what was happening. H.S. felt so chaotic… Thanks, Sarah. I hope you are having a lovely holiday!
What you're describing are tough rip currents for a teenager to have to navigate!
Your story also reminds me of the radically different perspective we automatically get as 'white Caucasians' in another culture. Having grown up in a multicultural setting, I was never confronted with such insults and humiliation, never had to fend off the onslaught of 'teenage evil'. Only once, I got a taster of racism through a vicarious experience.
We had an exchange student from Ghana staying with us, he happened to be my age, so he had been assigned to attend school in my class. I felt proud to bring a 'special guest' to school, and don't recall any harassment or racist torment whether in class or on the playground... But one day, we were walking home from school, some kids from another school crossed our path and gave us vile looks and used the 'N' word. I remember feeling deep shame on behalf of Kofi (our exchange student). I couldn't wait to get home, where we would be safe from such aggressors. He shrugged it off (probably used to it). We were both 15, old enough to know what was going on, too young or insecure to talk about it. The encounter stuck in my memory as a 'horrific incident', leaving me feeling helpless on behalf of my companion and mortified on behalf of my fellow Causasians.
To have to deal with this on your own as a teenager, feels devastating to me.
At the same time I wholeheartedly agree with your final statement: "I couldn’t rely on accidental rescue again. I’d have to navigate a world that often saw me in ways that didn’t match my inner life. And while I know I’m not alone in that, it’s strange how each of us still has to figure it out for ourselves."
We are all affected by bullies and aggression and violence, and have had to deal with it in different ways.
Thank you Lani, for this story 🧡 🙏
🙏And thank you, Veronika, for sharing yours. I’ve heard of racist stories from all sides, including against whites, and it doesn’t matter, it all is horrible. I’m very sorry to hear about your Ghanaian guest! I can only imagine ~ as a teen, you do feel things very deeply, but thankfully, I have lived a full life focused on spiritual growth and healing! xo
"I have lived a full life focused on spiritual growth and healing" — sounds like another focus we have in common, Lani. And this shines through in the humour and lightness in your writing xx
🙏🤲📿💝Much love, Veronika.
Reading this is heartbreaking, Lani. I'm so sorry you experienced all that! Bullies are such cowards, and racist bullying is the worst. 😥💔
Thanks, James. Character building and all that. [tips hat]
Wow Lani — I smiled, I got aggravated — I remembered the systemic and overt racism of the culturally and linguistically diverse community of kids I worked with in Melbourne ... so pissed off with the lack of action of the teachers in the classes where the girls pushed you along — so fabulous you didn't change, whatever prompted change in them — good. Tim, your Mom, their own conscience — all of the above.
Love Hawaii, to grow up in that resilient, diverse and inclusive community — fists, and all. Thank goodness for that blessing of acceptance.
"I am not what other people perceive me to be."
Hoooray — and thank you for reading, gives such depth; I find myself cheering you along. Your final resolve ... a message for us all.
"But I couldn’t rely on accidental rescue again. I’d have to navigate a world that often saw me in ways that didn’t match my inner life. And while I know I’m not alone in that, it’s strange how each of us still has to figure it out for ourselves."
🙏😊💖🌀
Thank you, Simone! And thank you for letting me know you listen ~ it helps cheer me along because believe it or not, I've had moments wondering if I should put in the effort of recording. For a while there, it felt like crickets. I mean, folks could have been listening. I know there are silent followers, etc, but I appreciate it. Yes, it's been a journey! And so it continues! xxoo
Have a great holiday season 🙏💖
You, too! 🙂❣️
Thanks, Geraldine! 🙏🥰🤗Feeling the love, support, and sisterhood. Despite what happened in the PNW or Colorado, both places have captured my heart and imagination. I haven't heard Earth Muffin, but I love it, might have to claim it 😅 We used to say Granolas and Crunchies.
P.S. I really adore what you've said, so I might share it as a Note if you don't mind! [the first 2 para] Just trying to reach more folks because I know these stories deserve it! xxoo
Lani, thank you so much for sharing these memories with such honesty and courage. The way you’ve woven together your father’s story, your own experiences of racism, and those moments of both pride and hurt makes clear to me how much you’ve carried … and how deeply you’ve reflected on it all.
In listening, I could feel the sting of those taunts and the isolation of being stared at, yet also and much more importantly … the quiet strength in your voice as you keep walking, keep naming, keep remembering. What moves me most is how you ab-soul-utely refused to let those bullying experiences harden into bitterness … instead, you’ve decided to turn them into contemplation, writing, and a deeper knowing of yourself.
And your realisation that you’re not what others perceive you to be, my dear friend, feels like such a hard won Truth … one that shines beyond the cruelty of those encounters. Thank you for sharing your journey; it’s a powerful act of reclamation and resilience, reminding me that while the world may be all too quick to misname any of us … our inner life remains firmly our own.
Thanks so much for being here, Lani. We need you. 🙏💖
Thanks, Deborah! The thing about writing these moments down, sitting with them, and turning them over is you create distance. And as you know, distance brings perspective. Also, so much has happened since then that it feels like another lifetime ago. But you are reminding me that these experiences are part of the building blocks of putting yourself together into a whole being. 🙏🙂💘
I can relate to your stories on multiple fronts. Racism is real, and racism takes on so many different forms, they are racism nevertheless. Some come across as curiosity, some as ignorance; some comes out as anger, some as cruelty; the worst kind hides behind shallow politeness and arrogance.
Unfortunately because its been overused so much, I fear racism has been politicized. I do wonder if what we endured is still going on, as we moved towards more diversity and awareness. My surprise over these matters continues, and I blame my Hawaii upbringing. I was incredibly lucky to grow up in such a diverse place. Thanks, Yi, for being here, xo