A return home

is a return to love

Lani V. Cox

May 04, 2025

Finally went through boxes and boxes of Dad’s transparencies.

Hello friend!

How are you? I’m feeling recreated, reconfigured, and renewed, baby.

Like magic!

It’s called REST, Lani.

The last time I went home, I went through Mom’s keep-everything-in-case-it’s-important mail, organized her taxes and important paperwork, and essentially helped her declutter. [Why do you have four vacuums in a one bedroom condo?]

But this time? I couldn’t be bothered to do anything—which is a weeeee bit uncharacteristic of me.

Together at Ala Moana, Honolulu, HI, 2025

The original plan was to read and write, have bit of a self-imposed writers retreat. Even when Mom was working part-time, and all I did was hang around the neighborhood, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than a few necessary things. It was madness, I say!

And now I look back at that time of nothingness with real affection and longing. I was safe. I was cared for. I went on walks and sat on the sofa because it was big and comfortable. My most urgent concern was what I was going to eat. In the beginning, I mentally resisted ‘doing nothing’, but by the end, I could have gone another week.

Going for a walk around my idyllic hometown

When I returned to Cambodia, I immediately jumped back into teaching, but despite the jetlag, I was gregarious, working the room like a standup comedian, and marveling at my confident devil-may-care way.

The latter was significant because I started the term after it started, other teachers covered for me, so I was feeling some apprehension having never started late before. But I told myself, I got this—and I did, and it felt good to trust myself.

I’m definitely feeling the post-holiday afterglow. Even though, by this point, I’m well into the school term, I feel different. All-around my relationships have improved. I feel closer to my mom. Goals have shifted. My skin even looks better because I started a skincare routine.

Current obsessions

🎶I’m With Her is an American bluegrass/folk band comprising of Sarah Jarosz, Aoife O'Donovan, and Sara Watkins. I fell in love with Sara Watkins when I saw her perform in Durango, Colorado during the 90s. She was playing with her brother, Sean, and Chris Thile in their band Nickel Creek. They were so young!

Prior to this music festival, which exposed me to bluegrass music, I held anything that sounded “country” with ridicule. What I’ve since discovered is the exceptional talent and emotions that run through bluegrass. The storytelling element, humor, and rich beauty often moves me to tears.

Bluegrass music emerged in the 1940s in the Appalachian region, particularly in Kentucky and Tennessee. It draws on the folk traditions of Irish, Scottish, and English settlers who arrived in America in the 1600s, blending their ballads and dance tunes with African American blues and jazz influences to create a string-driven sound.

Anyway, I’m in a bluegrass mood. I just discovered Watchhouse (formally Mandolin Orange), a married couple that has quite the following because as soon you hear them, you’re besotted.

As I write, I’m tearing up listening to songs. This is an amazing performance. Of course, I don’t expect anyone to listen because I know music is incredibly personal. But if you do, I’d really like to hear your take on their second song on the set, “Wolves”. I can’t remember the last time I was this fascinated with lyrics.