I had a little trouble with the phone there😉. So well written. Thanks for sharing from your experiences and the bigger picture as well. I have so much respect for the men like your Father who served in the military and the Japanese soldiers you mentioned. I have read about them before. I taught ESL after returning from a few years in China. I loved ESL (taught adults). What age do you teach? Very fun to discover your writing and YOU!
Right now, I'm teaching teens and young adults. Although I have taught children. By the by, sorry for the late response. I haven't been getting notifications from Substack. EGATS. I need to fix this!!!
What an outstanding article, Lani. Very well done. The history of your family and insights into your experiences and the term ‘banana alongside information on literal bananas…so
I appreciate Bananas so much more now! Loved the history woven in here and the underlying message, which I took away as, don't hate the banana as it didn't get to decide who it became!
What a funny article and a very refreshing twist on the "banana" labeling. :) when I was young I did tease my friend before for being banana (I get away with it cause I can speak canto, but can't read or write), but it was in good faith and only to a close friend. I bet I would be call a banana too in a different context or setting.
It was my boyfriend at the time who called me a banana. And there are plenty of instances where friends look at me and declare like it’s a revelation, “I don’t think of you as Asian.” It’s such a strange thing to say. I get it, but the only thing to do is to not take it too seriously!
Clearly I am a behind on my reading. I want to heart this 100 times. FAF as they say 😉. I’ve been called a banana. But I don’t know if it’s because of how I talk. I came to the US in my early teens and we spoke Tagalog at home. So I don’t sound like an American. But other Filipinos say I don’t sound like a Filipino either and some have said I’m not like a Filipino at all. Whatever that means 🥹
Ha, ha! I love it. And I had to look up FAF 😭🤣 because I'm obviously not hip with the times. In your case, it sounds like you're called a banana because your peeps are jealous. Yeah, WHAT-EVERRR. Bananas unite! 💪💪
Oh boy can I relate to this post! I used be called a banana all the time and wondered if there was something wrong with me. Of course not, but I was ashamed by the way I was brought up and when I lived in Asia, would internalize the jealousy people felt towards me when they heard me speak English. After a while, I was more sad and a bit angry that certain languages were revered, and that somehow we have to put certain markers of an identity on a pedestal.
Good point. It’s all relative, isn’t it? What’s revered and when — eventually, I had to re-evaluate identity and decide for myself what it meant for me, otherwise, I’d always be at the mercy of someone else’s. Thanks, Sarah!
Lani, I love and appreciate how you infused so much fun into a label that brings you more serious sentiments! It always exacerbated my feelings of not fitting in - I look Asian but identify with Western values and culture more. My Indonesian and Mandarin are comical (which locals will remind me of).
Interestingly enough, when I’m in Asia, my experience has been that people scoff at me and don’t take me seriously because I don’t speak the language well. And because I don’t look white, I’m not given the same respect for how I sound.
When I was a kid and visited Asia, there was a part of me that I think was “cooler” because I was so close to American culture. My grandma quickly knocked that out of me when she told me to look in the mirror and said “I don’t see a white girl.”
Being a banana has always been a struggle for me because it made me feel like I never belonged anywhere. Too “white” to be Asian and too Asian to be white.
Your “my Indonesian and Mandarin are comical which the locals remind me of” made me laugh because I can SO relate. Since I lived for many years in my mom’s birth country, Thailand, I, too, was reminded of what a confusing and disappointing specimen I was.
But after awhile, I’ve learned to accept that no matter who the other person is, they don’t know who I really am, and I can’t expect them to. I’ve certainly been in many situations where the other person did not meet or fit expectations.
Yeah, we look the way we do but we’re Western though and through and that’s what makes us interesting! 🍌🍌🍌We can’t help who we are. Glad you found me, Steph. Thank you.
Hi Lani, Resonance as a banana myself, a slightly different make or bunch with all the same markings you've pointed out. My grandparents moved from China to Malaysia, my parents were born in Malaysia and moved in their teens to school in the UK, I was born in the UK and relocated via study/work with several global companies 18 times-10 countries, and I returned to help my mother care for my Dad here in the UK. I continued to care for Mum after Dad passed. I'll share the larger reflections and musings in an article sometime, but suffice to say I've never actively researched my 'roots' or 'tree' although I'm aware of many branches.
Whilst climbing the corporate ladder I chose to avoid AsiaPacific because early on I realised how challenging it would be from many perspectives, trying to lead diverse teams, and local teams when I didn't have the language or appropriate cultural awareness, but 'looked' like I 'should'. A deep dive for another time.
Thank you for this article. I see you and I feel a kinship from reading it (when I have an opportunity I'll try to listen to it too) Thanks to Yi Xue I discovered your publication - and now subscribed ;-)
Thanks, Victoria. ❤️ And thank you for sharing your story, although I know this was the abbreviated version. 😉 I rarely tire of hearing other people’s backgrounds, the Asian diaspora, and the stories that bring us together.
It also sounds like work has given you a unique perspective since you’ve traveled so much. And you’re right to recognize the challenges of working with any multicultural team. These “cultural nuances” must always be somewhere in the back of one’s mind as we navigate any form of communication.
Nice to meet you, Victoria. Looking forward to getting to know each other better. 🙏
Thanks, Lani. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and your writing more as well. I'm sure there are several questions and discussion topics we could ping-pong our way through (no idea where that analogy came from since I'm terrible at that game!)! ;-)
This is super original - and I do love a few citations at the end! I did not know ANY of that military history so thanks for that especially. (The pics are always great here too and nice to see your lovely dad again ...) I myself am a bit of a TransAtlantic-type soooo not really fitting in properly in either camp, especially with a hybrid accent. (And interestingly, "banana" is the one word that still comes out a bit posh sounding, although not on purpose). Anyway, I like your style here a lot and choosing to rise above a reference that might not be so ap-peeling (sorry, couldn't resist) is pretty epic as well.
Thank you, Sue. 😘 It was a risk and a strange post that I hesitated putting out there, especially after it was rejected from a publication or two (can’t remember). I forgot about it until yesterday when I went looking for something else. So, this means a lot.
I’m totally up for hearing banana in a posh accent! And banana puns! 😍
Just lovely! I wholly agree with Rebecca, your writing voice is brilliant!! And the way you embrace your 'bananaship' with great humour is admirable and inspiring. Makes me wonder what kind of funny fruit or vegetable I might be... 🤔💭
Thank you so much 😍 Oh, I’ve been misidentified, labeled, etc, etc, so many times that it just makes for good material at this point. Being offended would be a waste of energy. But yeah, hmmm, well, there’s coconuts…how about apples? You strike me as rosy 😘
Lani, this was the first time I listened, instead of read, your posting. Well, it was the first time ever, that I listened to any Substack articles. And, I LOVE it! I would like to cross post it on my IJL, if you don't mind.
I came to the States at age 23, and became a citizen 10 years later. So I am not really a "banana" - my inner is not white enough lol. But my son and his friends have been called that (and others) ... I sincerely wish that identity will not be a crisis for the next generation, wherever they choose to live.
I'm really glad you listened. When I listened back I was surprised by how it came out. Especially since I recorded it in the morning -- didn't know I could start the day so snarky!
Yes, arriving in the US at 23 is a completely different story, but I love that about the Asian American community. So much diversity and so many stories to tell. Thank you, Yi! 😍
It's sooooooo good! I just love your writing voice so much. I had never heard that term, banana, before. Our good family friends from China introduced us to the term: ABC (American Born Chinese)--a way to separate themselves from their community members they feel are too Americanized. God, aren't we humans awesome at drawing divisions among our communities? We all seem to find a way. You've really treated this issue with a light and funny hand, but it has to suck sometimes. Also, side note: I adored Bananarama as a kid. But I can't stand the fruit banana--like, not even the smell across the house.
Awww, thanks, Rebecca. I have heard of ABCs and a whole other host of acronyms like AMWF for Asian Male White Female couples. Personally, I’m on acronym overload.
Have you heard of coconut? Brown on the outside, but white on the inside?
Bananarama is a great name and the Venus song is fun. Strange that you don’t like bananas, I love them! Must find out what kind of fruit, Rebecca likes…
A great written piece in a light touch on a topic by using the banana theme, that can be complicated for some folks at different stages in life. Just so I understand: so your mother can or can't read English? Though born in and lived all my life in Canada, I didn't learn English until I hit kindergarten. And I was not prepared in advance by parents, so it was a big shock. My father was bilingual (other language is Chinese) but my mother only (and still) little English. So it really was ESL in-school support for lst 3 yrs. in elementary school. My Chinese speaking fluency has eroded alot ..probably only understanding 20%. What you are saying is that mother country language fluency, no matter how eroded, is still a window into a 2nd cultural world of thinking and expression that can be different at times.
Your situation is akin to my niece and nephews who are 100% Chinese but born in Canada. Their parents do speak some Chinese, but not even with each other in their marriage because it's not fluent. 4 biracial nephews and nieces don't know Chinese for the same reason since their mothers are like me..bad, broken Chinese that can't be taught. Only certain simple words. But still something, is better than nothing. The parent can explain certain cultural nuances and tendencies.
I didn't know about the awards for the Asian-American military. Thx for the info.!
Hi Jean, yeah, my mom can read some English. She was required to learn when she applied/gain citizenship. I remember seeing her books, her notes in checkbooks to help her remember how to write numbers, and she often asked me to read the mail. It’s a struggle, but she tries her best.
And since I’ve spent so much time in her birth country struggling with her native tongue, I understand. It’s been one of the great insights I’ve learned about my mother.
It does seem that the longer you’re in Canada or the US or another Western country, the more likely you’ll lose touch with your ‘roots’. But at the same time, I feel like many folks really make it a point to teach their kids about their culture, too.
Thanks for reading along, Jean! Glad you learned something new. xo
I had a little trouble with the phone there😉. So well written. Thanks for sharing from your experiences and the bigger picture as well. I have so much respect for the men like your Father who served in the military and the Japanese soldiers you mentioned. I have read about them before. I taught ESL after returning from a few years in China. I loved ESL (taught adults). What age do you teach? Very fun to discover your writing and YOU!
Right now, I'm teaching teens and young adults. Although I have taught children. By the by, sorry for the late response. I haven't been getting notifications from Substack. EGATS. I need to fix this!!!
Thanks again, I'm so glad you like this! 💗
Thanks. That’s great, Lani. No worries about timing ever. Have a great week.
😘😘
What an outstanding article, Lani. Very well done. The history of your family and insights into your experiences and the term ‘banana alongside information on literal bananas…so
Thank you, Susan! 💗💗💗
I appreciate Bananas so much more now! Loved the history woven in here and the underlying message, which I took away as, don't hate the banana as it didn't get to decide who it became!
Awww, thanks, Istiaq. Sorry for the late reply, as I'm not getting these notifications! Appreciate that you came by and enjoyed it! 💗
Soooo goood! 😭
I was just writing a piece on my younger years and the how some referred to me as an oreo.
Thanks, Jamal. So sorry for the late reply. I am NOT getting notifications and I need to fix this! I had heard coconut before but not Oreo. 😭🤣
No worries! I didn’t figure out how to turn on comment notifications for MONTHS 😭
I’ve never heard coconut lol.
😭😭🤣🤣
What a funny article and a very refreshing twist on the "banana" labeling. :) when I was young I did tease my friend before for being banana (I get away with it cause I can speak canto, but can't read or write), but it was in good faith and only to a close friend. I bet I would be call a banana too in a different context or setting.
It was my boyfriend at the time who called me a banana. And there are plenty of instances where friends look at me and declare like it’s a revelation, “I don’t think of you as Asian.” It’s such a strange thing to say. I get it, but the only thing to do is to not take it too seriously!
Yes! We are all unique anyway! Banana is a label as much as Asian is ;)
Clearly I am a behind on my reading. I want to heart this 100 times. FAF as they say 😉. I’ve been called a banana. But I don’t know if it’s because of how I talk. I came to the US in my early teens and we spoke Tagalog at home. So I don’t sound like an American. But other Filipinos say I don’t sound like a Filipino either and some have said I’m not like a Filipino at all. Whatever that means 🥹
Ha, ha! I love it. And I had to look up FAF 😭🤣 because I'm obviously not hip with the times. In your case, it sounds like you're called a banana because your peeps are jealous. Yeah, WHAT-EVERRR. Bananas unite! 💪💪
Oh boy can I relate to this post! I used be called a banana all the time and wondered if there was something wrong with me. Of course not, but I was ashamed by the way I was brought up and when I lived in Asia, would internalize the jealousy people felt towards me when they heard me speak English. After a while, I was more sad and a bit angry that certain languages were revered, and that somehow we have to put certain markers of an identity on a pedestal.
Those feelings are sure understandable.
Good point. It’s all relative, isn’t it? What’s revered and when — eventually, I had to re-evaluate identity and decide for myself what it meant for me, otherwise, I’d always be at the mercy of someone else’s. Thanks, Sarah!
Lani, I love and appreciate how you infused so much fun into a label that brings you more serious sentiments! It always exacerbated my feelings of not fitting in - I look Asian but identify with Western values and culture more. My Indonesian and Mandarin are comical (which locals will remind me of).
Interestingly enough, when I’m in Asia, my experience has been that people scoff at me and don’t take me seriously because I don’t speak the language well. And because I don’t look white, I’m not given the same respect for how I sound.
When I was a kid and visited Asia, there was a part of me that I think was “cooler” because I was so close to American culture. My grandma quickly knocked that out of me when she told me to look in the mirror and said “I don’t see a white girl.”
Being a banana has always been a struggle for me because it made me feel like I never belonged anywhere. Too “white” to be Asian and too Asian to be white.
Your “my Indonesian and Mandarin are comical which the locals remind me of” made me laugh because I can SO relate. Since I lived for many years in my mom’s birth country, Thailand, I, too, was reminded of what a confusing and disappointing specimen I was.
But after awhile, I’ve learned to accept that no matter who the other person is, they don’t know who I really am, and I can’t expect them to. I’ve certainly been in many situations where the other person did not meet or fit expectations.
Yeah, we look the way we do but we’re Western though and through and that’s what makes us interesting! 🍌🍌🍌We can’t help who we are. Glad you found me, Steph. Thank you.
Grateful I found you too! I’m finally finding my people 🫶
Hi Lani, Resonance as a banana myself, a slightly different make or bunch with all the same markings you've pointed out. My grandparents moved from China to Malaysia, my parents were born in Malaysia and moved in their teens to school in the UK, I was born in the UK and relocated via study/work with several global companies 18 times-10 countries, and I returned to help my mother care for my Dad here in the UK. I continued to care for Mum after Dad passed. I'll share the larger reflections and musings in an article sometime, but suffice to say I've never actively researched my 'roots' or 'tree' although I'm aware of many branches.
Whilst climbing the corporate ladder I chose to avoid AsiaPacific because early on I realised how challenging it would be from many perspectives, trying to lead diverse teams, and local teams when I didn't have the language or appropriate cultural awareness, but 'looked' like I 'should'. A deep dive for another time.
Thank you for this article. I see you and I feel a kinship from reading it (when I have an opportunity I'll try to listen to it too) Thanks to Yi Xue I discovered your publication - and now subscribed ;-)
Thanks, Victoria. ❤️ And thank you for sharing your story, although I know this was the abbreviated version. 😉 I rarely tire of hearing other people’s backgrounds, the Asian diaspora, and the stories that bring us together.
It also sounds like work has given you a unique perspective since you’ve traveled so much. And you’re right to recognize the challenges of working with any multicultural team. These “cultural nuances” must always be somewhere in the back of one’s mind as we navigate any form of communication.
Nice to meet you, Victoria. Looking forward to getting to know each other better. 🙏
Thanks, Lani. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and your writing more as well. I'm sure there are several questions and discussion topics we could ping-pong our way through (no idea where that analogy came from since I'm terrible at that game!)! ;-)
Fascinating post, Lani. I learnt a lot!
Thanks, Jeffrey! 😍
This is super original - and I do love a few citations at the end! I did not know ANY of that military history so thanks for that especially. (The pics are always great here too and nice to see your lovely dad again ...) I myself am a bit of a TransAtlantic-type soooo not really fitting in properly in either camp, especially with a hybrid accent. (And interestingly, "banana" is the one word that still comes out a bit posh sounding, although not on purpose). Anyway, I like your style here a lot and choosing to rise above a reference that might not be so ap-peeling (sorry, couldn't resist) is pretty epic as well.
Thank you, Sue. 😘 It was a risk and a strange post that I hesitated putting out there, especially after it was rejected from a publication or two (can’t remember). I forgot about it until yesterday when I went looking for something else. So, this means a lot.
I’m totally up for hearing banana in a posh accent! And banana puns! 😍
Just lovely! I wholly agree with Rebecca, your writing voice is brilliant!! And the way you embrace your 'bananaship' with great humour is admirable and inspiring. Makes me wonder what kind of funny fruit or vegetable I might be... 🤔💭
Thank you so much 😍 Oh, I’ve been misidentified, labeled, etc, etc, so many times that it just makes for good material at this point. Being offended would be a waste of energy. But yeah, hmmm, well, there’s coconuts…how about apples? You strike me as rosy 😘
You are definitely putting it to good use.
Someone once called me 'spicy' ~ can't remember in what context but it was meant as a compliment. Maybe I'm sweet chili?
Should I call you that from now on? Hahahaha.
😅 maybe better to keep those fruit and veg pet names among ourselves
Lani, this was the first time I listened, instead of read, your posting. Well, it was the first time ever, that I listened to any Substack articles. And, I LOVE it! I would like to cross post it on my IJL, if you don't mind.
I came to the States at age 23, and became a citizen 10 years later. So I am not really a "banana" - my inner is not white enough lol. But my son and his friends have been called that (and others) ... I sincerely wish that identity will not be a crisis for the next generation, wherever they choose to live.
I'm really glad you listened. When I listened back I was surprised by how it came out. Especially since I recorded it in the morning -- didn't know I could start the day so snarky!
Yes, arriving in the US at 23 is a completely different story, but I love that about the Asian American community. So much diversity and so many stories to tell. Thank you, Yi! 😍
Great article! I love bananas! 😃🍌
Thanks. It was an old one, actually, that I rediscovered trying to find something else. 😊
It's sooooooo good! I just love your writing voice so much. I had never heard that term, banana, before. Our good family friends from China introduced us to the term: ABC (American Born Chinese)--a way to separate themselves from their community members they feel are too Americanized. God, aren't we humans awesome at drawing divisions among our communities? We all seem to find a way. You've really treated this issue with a light and funny hand, but it has to suck sometimes. Also, side note: I adored Bananarama as a kid. But I can't stand the fruit banana--like, not even the smell across the house.
Awww, thanks, Rebecca. I have heard of ABCs and a whole other host of acronyms like AMWF for Asian Male White Female couples. Personally, I’m on acronym overload.
Have you heard of coconut? Brown on the outside, but white on the inside?
Bananarama is a great name and the Venus song is fun. Strange that you don’t like bananas, I love them! Must find out what kind of fruit, Rebecca likes…
A great written piece in a light touch on a topic by using the banana theme, that can be complicated for some folks at different stages in life. Just so I understand: so your mother can or can't read English? Though born in and lived all my life in Canada, I didn't learn English until I hit kindergarten. And I was not prepared in advance by parents, so it was a big shock. My father was bilingual (other language is Chinese) but my mother only (and still) little English. So it really was ESL in-school support for lst 3 yrs. in elementary school. My Chinese speaking fluency has eroded alot ..probably only understanding 20%. What you are saying is that mother country language fluency, no matter how eroded, is still a window into a 2nd cultural world of thinking and expression that can be different at times.
Your situation is akin to my niece and nephews who are 100% Chinese but born in Canada. Their parents do speak some Chinese, but not even with each other in their marriage because it's not fluent. 4 biracial nephews and nieces don't know Chinese for the same reason since their mothers are like me..bad, broken Chinese that can't be taught. Only certain simple words. But still something, is better than nothing. The parent can explain certain cultural nuances and tendencies.
I didn't know about the awards for the Asian-American military. Thx for the info.!
Hi Jean, yeah, my mom can read some English. She was required to learn when she applied/gain citizenship. I remember seeing her books, her notes in checkbooks to help her remember how to write numbers, and she often asked me to read the mail. It’s a struggle, but she tries her best.
And since I’ve spent so much time in her birth country struggling with her native tongue, I understand. It’s been one of the great insights I’ve learned about my mother.
It does seem that the longer you’re in Canada or the US or another Western country, the more likely you’ll lose touch with your ‘roots’. But at the same time, I feel like many folks really make it a point to teach their kids about their culture, too.
Thanks for reading along, Jean! Glad you learned something new. xo