Looking back at 15 years of living abroad
an abbreviated photo essay
When we put our belongings in boxes, my then-boyfriend and I didn’t know if we were going to be gone for three months or three years. We didn’t know we’d break up after six years together, or that we’d remain friends after all this time. I suppose there was a lot we didn’t know, but we wanted to experience living abroad.
The U.S. didn’t feel like home anymore. We had moved from Honolulu, Hawaii to Portland, Oregon to Chico, California to Oceanside to Huntsville, Alabama in an effort to find one. But after a singular vacation in which I was reunited with my Thai family in Thailand in 2007, we began to plan a life outside of the US.
Even though I was raised by a Thai mother, she didn’t teach me the language; so when my partner and I moved in 2009 to Chiang Mai, Thailand, not far from her hometown, I had to struggle with the language, just like she did when she immigrated to the U.S.
What no one tells you is that being an expat is hard, especially, if you live in developing countries, in cultures very different than your own. Money can insulate, but if you don’t have those greenbacks, then, welcome to the jungle, baby.
Communicating can be hard. Speaking like a child, making mistakes, riding the rollercoaster of language learning becomes commonplace. Getting from point A to point B, let alone locating point B feels like TV show The Amazing Race, but without the million dollar prize. Buying food, eating food, where is the food? can be cautionary tales, or lessons in humility, or both. Your shortcomings, all of them, and your ugly American-ness are on display and can rear its alien head at any moment.
But, of course, there are the rewards. Otherwise, we wouldn’t do it, right? Every person’s expat odyssey is unique, and for me, it comes down to the friends and people I’ve met, how it’s transformed (or enhanced) my personal development journey, and that I met and married my husband here.
Also, it’s important to mention that living (mostly) in my mom’s birth country has given me insight into her world, her culture, and my sometimes-confusing upbringing. Culture clashes are real, people!
I’m not well-traveled, but somehow I’ve ended up semi-nomadic. Currently, I’m in Siem Reap, Cambodia. But to recap my wanderings, I’ve lived in Lampang, Rayong, Chiang Rai and Chiang Mai, Thailand, and Cuenca, Ecuador.
Another significant part of my experience has been teaching English, which has allowed me to be part of communities and grow and learn in a multitude of ways that I’m not entirely sure I will fully appreciate until I’m no longer doing it.
And it’s not like I did anything Hollywood epic, or had Eat, Pray, Love moments. But by stepping outside the boundaries of my passport country, I see America differently. I’ve become an anthropologist doing field work. I’m a participant and an observer. I’ve made friends from all over the world and discovered that the center of the universe depends on where you are standing.
Bravo Lani. It's been challenging enough for you.
I'm not totally convinced I could go overseas for years like you. I suspect having another American, ie. hubby helps a bit.
It's just I've lived and worked in 3 different provinces, where I did move to cities where I didn't know anyone for awhile. And to me, it can become more challenging making close friends as one ages. Light friendships are ok but they don't sustain deeply in times of major life-changing events and I've had enough of those so far.
Wonderful post, Lani! I can totally relate to lots of what you're describing, although my culture clash/ culture shock experiences were in very different countries. Like you, I've spent many years of my life in search of home, until I realised I can only find it within myself...
Growing up as Third Culture Kids has many perks, but lots of challenges too.
Now I am finding some semblance of home right here on substack with soul-sisters like you! 💙🙏