“she was somewhere else. Her smile was for me though”. The beating - coming from a black family, I know how it feels to get a beating that’s not about you, but about the trauma and grief. I’m sorry for you and your mom in different ways. x stunning writing ❤️
Between you and me, Shondra, there was a lot of misplaced pain in those days. I debated even putting a taste of it in here because I don’t want it to be the focus of a complex and dynamic relationship, you know? Thanks so much for your words, xo
The descriptions here are so visceral; your dad’s coffin in the plane, in particular. What a strange and sad experience to be offered to fly the plane, while the coffin sits in the back.
And it makes sense that you would consider how different life could have been if you had been raised somewhere else.
Yes, I probably wouldn’t have been offered to ‘fly’ had the coffin not been moving. I was obviously distracted by it and the men wanted my attention elsewhere. Thanks for reading, Sarah! xo
Your mom was traumatized by the loss of your dad, and sadly, you were the victim of both your mom’s trauma and your own. You were at such a tender age … 🥲🫂💜
what mothers do to their children under extreme stress... Such painful memories, so well told, Lani. And you had your first flying lesson in all the tragedy and bewilderment. Thank you so much for sharing your unique and moving story 💗🙏 🕯️
There's so much here to comment on. You capture being so young on that plane perfectly: the confused innocence of a barely-processed bereavement, juxtaposed with the joy of 'flying' a plane. (Kind, well meaning guys they were too). The conclusion is shocking, hard to read. I felt troubled afterwards. And your dad's "snake pants" - as they were known - are frankly awesome.
Snake pants! Ha! Thanks for that. And thank you for your thoughtful comment. It took some time to understand my mom's way of dealing with grief and stress, but eventually I did - this is simply part of the journey. xo
“she was somewhere else. Her smile was for me though”. The beating - coming from a black family, I know how it feels to get a beating that’s not about you, but about the trauma and grief. I’m sorry for you and your mom in different ways. x stunning writing ❤️
Between you and me, Shondra, there was a lot of misplaced pain in those days. I debated even putting a taste of it in here because I don’t want it to be the focus of a complex and dynamic relationship, you know? Thanks so much for your words, xo
I get it.
Bravo! (Or would it be _brava_?) You so skillfully capture our minds' flashbacks and how we can feel multiple emotions in the same day.
Thanks, Moorea. That’s a high compliment indeed, xo
The descriptions here are so visceral; your dad’s coffin in the plane, in particular. What a strange and sad experience to be offered to fly the plane, while the coffin sits in the back.
And it makes sense that you would consider how different life could have been if you had been raised somewhere else.
Thanks for sharing, Lani x
Yes, I probably wouldn’t have been offered to ‘fly’ had the coffin not been moving. I was obviously distracted by it and the men wanted my attention elsewhere. Thanks for reading, Sarah! xo
Thank you Lani for sharing your story.so important, candid, and raw. Please keep writing!!!
Thank YOU, Werner. Appreciate it.
Your mom was traumatized by the loss of your dad, and sadly, you were the victim of both your mom’s trauma and your own. You were at such a tender age … 🥲🫂💜
Yes, Yi, I believe you are right. And thankfully, it's long past. xo
I'm sorry for this incident at the end of your post.
It's okay. It's all ancient history. I've long forgiven her for anything that happened. Thank you, Jean. xo
what mothers do to their children under extreme stress... Such painful memories, so well told, Lani. And you had your first flying lesson in all the tragedy and bewilderment. Thank you so much for sharing your unique and moving story 💗🙏 🕯️
Thanks, Veronika. You're absolutely right; she was under great stress. xo
There's so much here to comment on. You capture being so young on that plane perfectly: the confused innocence of a barely-processed bereavement, juxtaposed with the joy of 'flying' a plane. (Kind, well meaning guys they were too). The conclusion is shocking, hard to read. I felt troubled afterwards. And your dad's "snake pants" - as they were known - are frankly awesome.
Snake pants! Ha! Thanks for that. And thank you for your thoughtful comment. It took some time to understand my mom's way of dealing with grief and stress, but eventually I did - this is simply part of the journey. xo
Aw hon, hugs. The grief and hurt must have been shocking.
Yes, it was quite the 180 from what life was life. We got through it though. xo
Oh, I'm so sorry she hit you like that. That had to be traumatizing with all you were already going through.
Those were dark times, and thankfully, all in the past. Thanks, Joy. xo