Lani - all I can say is I love love love reading you. I sort of fell off the wagon there for a bit, and ended up hiding in a cave for a couple of months, and when I finally figured it's time to stick my head out again, I said, "let me read me some Lani". 😊
I'm SO glad I found your newsletter Lani. This is the second piece of yours I've read and was smiling ear to ear. It's so well written and humourous! I found a few parallels in the was we use language in India - at least in the way Indians love asking you if you've eaten, what you ate or what you would like to eat. Can't wait to read more of you.
I am first generation British Born Chinese; my Cantonese is so poor that it confuses the locals when I travel back 😂 I try to avoid speaking! I laughed out loud as you described the faces of the locals when you attempt to speak in Thai. I 1000% resonate!! I sometimes contemplate telling them I am Korean 😂 but you inspire me to go again at making peace with this part of my identity and heritage. Thank you!
Awww, that's great. Yes, we can't help what we are, and sometimes I wish someone would give us credit for trying! 💗💗💗 The struggle is real. 😂 Thank you, Anna!
This was so interesting thank you. I was surprised that just because of your origins a McDonald's worker couldn't think that you were second generation born and bred in the States from immigrant parents?? It seems obvious but oh well? I really enjoyed this particular paragraph;
"No, they come up to see what the hold up is, and they look at you like you’re a zoo animal. You start to sweat harder and stammer until you want to cry out like wounded prey from the hunt, eyes pleading, bugging out, “Helppp, oh, god, why can’t you understand me?” "
I found it so relatable & hilarious 😂 because I too have been there! And of course when you couldn't specify nor articulate with the correct inflection how to pronounce the street name correctly and caused your mama to fold into fits of laughter she nearly fell out the truck! Your mum sounds delightful and a joy! Bless her! A lovely read thank you!
Thank you! I’m glad you found it amusing. Yeah, the McDonald’s incident happened decades ago, probably in a smaller town we were passing through. These days with social, etc, folks are becoming more exposed, but before the internet it was a different story! Thanks again 🙏🙏🙏
Firstly, I have to know - is there a THIRD duck flying behind Aunt Sangla's shoulder? Just wondering because of the absolutely classic, three birds flying up the stairs, or on the wall, practically government issued in every Brit household!
I remain impressed by your tenacity about all these language situations and how you handle them.
And incidentally, choosing different is the best choice of all.
Thanks, Sue! 🦆🦆🦆 Yes, I can confirm that there are three ducks. I have three fish that I brought back from Thailand in a similar style, but they're on my cadenza. And had no idea about the classic decor of gov't issued British households, so thank you! Yes, being different has its perks 😜 Hugs!
You evoke all of my senses in this post! Thank you for the audio :)
When I lived in Vietnam, I took some Vietnamese lessons and managed a few phrases, but it was so challenging and when I tried to use them, I mostly got stared at like 'WTF?'
Now that I am in HK, I know some Cantonese and instead often get laughed at. I used to take this quite personally (I am at least trying, I would think), but now I take it on the chin. Language forms so much of an identity of a place and of course for us too. Great post!
Thanks, Sarah. Yes, over time, I’ve come to realize that laughing is a form of discomfort, and it isn’t meant to be personal. But it sure as heck feels that way!
And yes to trying. I think it does matter, whether folks can acknowledge your efforts or not.
Oh Lani, thank you so much for writing this. It is delightful to get a glimpse of your journey. I can relate to so many things you shared, especially this - "the ones raised in two worlds, the ones who don’t fit in because the Americans see you as Asian and the Asians see you as Americanized." For me, I have never felt belonged in Hong Kong, my hometown; whereas Australia feels like home to me, from the moment I landed there in my teens. But I am aware that many Australians still see me as a Chinese, never an Australian.
Also love, love, love this - "My identity, these days, hasn’t been so much a struggle, as it is an interesting reflection of how others interpret me. Identity is a fascinating set of circumstances that others place upon you, and it’s up to us to decide if it’s a cage, or a castle, or something entirely different.
Yes, Australia, from what I've read/heard is a much more tougher place for Asians. I'm glad you consider it home though because that means you've landed 💗 and nested. I'm also pleased to hear that you could relate to this. Thank you for your kind words, Bonnie!
Rather interesting what Asians in Asia initially expect from an English language teacher. When I was in Japan, I did have some Japanese clerk here and there, try to speak Mandarin. I simply spoke in English, just to indicate I didn't know Mandarin. I think enough Japanese nationals know there are 2 major Chinese dialects, even if that's all they know. None of my 100% Chinese and plus biracial nieces and nephews understand nor speak any Chinese. The only thing they pick up probably is certain common cultural nuances in social situations. My sisters, their mothers, don't have enough grammatically correct Toishanese fluency to pass down to the children. Same for 1 BIL with his Cantonese since he was born in Canada.
While it may be "sad" since knowledge a bit of a mother tongue, gives a person an even greater cultural window to understanding, the least us older generation is expose the children (some now adults) daily by being in present, simply speaking the language when it suits us with others, so they become accustomed to being in the gang and not feel "offended" if they realize we aren't talking about them. Unilingual folks can get overly sensitive sometimes as soon as they are plopped in a social group for an hr. or more, but don't understand a word of what is said.
That's my childhood your describing. I'm so used to Thai being spoken at parties, on the phone, at home, during celebrations, chance meetings on the street, and so on. As a result, I learned to tune it out, and I'm very comfortable being around foreign languages. 😂😂😂 That's my life, so that's an interesting observation you've noticed. And this is why learning Thai was such an uphill battle ~ I didn't pay attention once I realized my mom wasn't going to teach us. And you're right, there's a lot lost when a mother tongue isn't passed down. I'm grateful for my years in Thailand as it's given me insight that I would never have otherwise discovered, xo
A parent " teaching" the mother tongue needs start from babyhood with parent speaking to child in that language exclusively. It really is my mother who does this to this day. She cannot speak much, nor read nor understand English.
My father became bilingual after teaching himself English when I was around 6 or 7 yrs. Of course, as kids and adults, we always heard our parents speak Chinese only to each other. So a chance to hear "proper" spoken Chinese but yeah, doesn't mean we automatically pick up better language use. Since their adult dialogue 90% was just for them rather than 1 of us. We must speak Chinese with our relatives who immigrated to CAnada as a adults in last 3 decades. Yes, you're lucky to have been in Thailand for awhile!
Even as a child, I knew how valuable it was to know 2nd language. A child already knows they inhabit a slightly different world while functioning in that language...no matter how badly. It can sensitize a child eventually.
Brilliant, Lani! I love this article about 3rd culture identity, and your intro into Thai culture. It reminds me of Arabic culture, where people always want to know 'how much have you paid' when you come away from the local Bazaar with anything. And as soon as you tell them, everyone insists that you have paid too much and should have bargained harder (unless you got an exceptionally good deal... 😅)
And this › "Identity is a fascinating set of circumstances that others place upon you, and it’s up to us to decide if it’s a cage, or a castle, or something entirely different.
Thanks, Veronika. 🙏 And thanks for the insight into Arabic culture. It's interesting once you dissect 'small talk' and values from around the world. I'm glad you enjoyed it, xo
Funny that you mention your stepdaughter in BKK because my Thai-British friend hailed a taxi for me (without me asking) to ensure that I'd get home late one night and that I wouldn't be overcharged. She's fluent in Thai and lives there. In any case, yes, at some point you need to accept what is out of your control and go with it. Life flows along easier then, eh? 😉
But good of you to learn Korean! I heard they revamped their reading system so now the country enjoys a 100% literacy rate. So smart.
Wow, thanks Somy. I'm happy to hear that the humor came through and that you picked up on the nuances of "being a fish out of water". It's been a long journey (and it continues!), and I'm not the same person I was when I started to live overseas. 🙏🙏
Lani - all I can say is I love love love reading you. I sort of fell off the wagon there for a bit, and ended up hiding in a cave for a couple of months, and when I finally figured it's time to stick my head out again, I said, "let me read me some Lani". 😊
Thank you, Lou. This might have to be a screen capture that I share with the world!
Sorry there was a problem with the wagon. I get that, and that’s okay, that’s life as we know, right?
So glad to be of service. 😉 Hugs!
Goodness, hugs back! (I only wish that wasn't only a virtual 🤗)
I'm SO glad I found your newsletter Lani. This is the second piece of yours I've read and was smiling ear to ear. It's so well written and humourous! I found a few parallels in the was we use language in India - at least in the way Indians love asking you if you've eaten, what you ate or what you would like to eat. Can't wait to read more of you.
Thanks so much Samira! I’m pleased to hear that! Hugs.
Soooooooooooooooooo good!!
🙏 Thank you, Noha! 🙏
I am first generation British Born Chinese; my Cantonese is so poor that it confuses the locals when I travel back 😂 I try to avoid speaking! I laughed out loud as you described the faces of the locals when you attempt to speak in Thai. I 1000% resonate!! I sometimes contemplate telling them I am Korean 😂 but you inspire me to go again at making peace with this part of my identity and heritage. Thank you!
Awww, that's great. Yes, we can't help what we are, and sometimes I wish someone would give us credit for trying! 💗💗💗 The struggle is real. 😂 Thank you, Anna!
This was so interesting thank you. I was surprised that just because of your origins a McDonald's worker couldn't think that you were second generation born and bred in the States from immigrant parents?? It seems obvious but oh well? I really enjoyed this particular paragraph;
"No, they come up to see what the hold up is, and they look at you like you’re a zoo animal. You start to sweat harder and stammer until you want to cry out like wounded prey from the hunt, eyes pleading, bugging out, “Helppp, oh, god, why can’t you understand me?” "
I found it so relatable & hilarious 😂 because I too have been there! And of course when you couldn't specify nor articulate with the correct inflection how to pronounce the street name correctly and caused your mama to fold into fits of laughter she nearly fell out the truck! Your mum sounds delightful and a joy! Bless her! A lovely read thank you!
Thank you! I’m glad you found it amusing. Yeah, the McDonald’s incident happened decades ago, probably in a smaller town we were passing through. These days with social, etc, folks are becoming more exposed, but before the internet it was a different story! Thanks again 🙏🙏🙏
A good read, Lani. Thank you!
Thank you, Sharmila!
Seeing the world, especially Asia, through your eyes is such a rich experience , Lani. Thank you!
Thank you, Jeffrey. I appreciate it. 💗
Firstly, I have to know - is there a THIRD duck flying behind Aunt Sangla's shoulder? Just wondering because of the absolutely classic, three birds flying up the stairs, or on the wall, practically government issued in every Brit household!
I remain impressed by your tenacity about all these language situations and how you handle them.
And incidentally, choosing different is the best choice of all.
Well done, you!
Thanks, Sue! 🦆🦆🦆 Yes, I can confirm that there are three ducks. I have three fish that I brought back from Thailand in a similar style, but they're on my cadenza. And had no idea about the classic decor of gov't issued British households, so thank you! Yes, being different has its perks 😜 Hugs!
You evoke all of my senses in this post! Thank you for the audio :)
When I lived in Vietnam, I took some Vietnamese lessons and managed a few phrases, but it was so challenging and when I tried to use them, I mostly got stared at like 'WTF?'
Now that I am in HK, I know some Cantonese and instead often get laughed at. I used to take this quite personally (I am at least trying, I would think), but now I take it on the chin. Language forms so much of an identity of a place and of course for us too. Great post!
Thanks, Sarah. Yes, over time, I’ve come to realize that laughing is a form of discomfort, and it isn’t meant to be personal. But it sure as heck feels that way!
And yes to trying. I think it does matter, whether folks can acknowledge your efforts or not.
Oh Lani, thank you so much for writing this. It is delightful to get a glimpse of your journey. I can relate to so many things you shared, especially this - "the ones raised in two worlds, the ones who don’t fit in because the Americans see you as Asian and the Asians see you as Americanized." For me, I have never felt belonged in Hong Kong, my hometown; whereas Australia feels like home to me, from the moment I landed there in my teens. But I am aware that many Australians still see me as a Chinese, never an Australian.
Also love, love, love this - "My identity, these days, hasn’t been so much a struggle, as it is an interesting reflection of how others interpret me. Identity is a fascinating set of circumstances that others place upon you, and it’s up to us to decide if it’s a cage, or a castle, or something entirely different.
I chose different."
Yes, Australia, from what I've read/heard is a much more tougher place for Asians. I'm glad you consider it home though because that means you've landed 💗 and nested. I'm also pleased to hear that you could relate to this. Thank you for your kind words, Bonnie!
Rather interesting what Asians in Asia initially expect from an English language teacher. When I was in Japan, I did have some Japanese clerk here and there, try to speak Mandarin. I simply spoke in English, just to indicate I didn't know Mandarin. I think enough Japanese nationals know there are 2 major Chinese dialects, even if that's all they know. None of my 100% Chinese and plus biracial nieces and nephews understand nor speak any Chinese. The only thing they pick up probably is certain common cultural nuances in social situations. My sisters, their mothers, don't have enough grammatically correct Toishanese fluency to pass down to the children. Same for 1 BIL with his Cantonese since he was born in Canada.
While it may be "sad" since knowledge a bit of a mother tongue, gives a person an even greater cultural window to understanding, the least us older generation is expose the children (some now adults) daily by being in present, simply speaking the language when it suits us with others, so they become accustomed to being in the gang and not feel "offended" if they realize we aren't talking about them. Unilingual folks can get overly sensitive sometimes as soon as they are plopped in a social group for an hr. or more, but don't understand a word of what is said.
That's my childhood your describing. I'm so used to Thai being spoken at parties, on the phone, at home, during celebrations, chance meetings on the street, and so on. As a result, I learned to tune it out, and I'm very comfortable being around foreign languages. 😂😂😂 That's my life, so that's an interesting observation you've noticed. And this is why learning Thai was such an uphill battle ~ I didn't pay attention once I realized my mom wasn't going to teach us. And you're right, there's a lot lost when a mother tongue isn't passed down. I'm grateful for my years in Thailand as it's given me insight that I would never have otherwise discovered, xo
A parent " teaching" the mother tongue needs start from babyhood with parent speaking to child in that language exclusively. It really is my mother who does this to this day. She cannot speak much, nor read nor understand English.
My father became bilingual after teaching himself English when I was around 6 or 7 yrs. Of course, as kids and adults, we always heard our parents speak Chinese only to each other. So a chance to hear "proper" spoken Chinese but yeah, doesn't mean we automatically pick up better language use. Since their adult dialogue 90% was just for them rather than 1 of us. We must speak Chinese with our relatives who immigrated to CAnada as a adults in last 3 decades. Yes, you're lucky to have been in Thailand for awhile!
Even as a child, I knew how valuable it was to know 2nd language. A child already knows they inhabit a slightly different world while functioning in that language...no matter how badly. It can sensitize a child eventually.
Brilliant, Lani! I love this article about 3rd culture identity, and your intro into Thai culture. It reminds me of Arabic culture, where people always want to know 'how much have you paid' when you come away from the local Bazaar with anything. And as soon as you tell them, everyone insists that you have paid too much and should have bargained harder (unless you got an exceptionally good deal... 😅)
And this › "Identity is a fascinating set of circumstances that others place upon you, and it’s up to us to decide if it’s a cage, or a castle, or something entirely different.
I chose different." › is precious! 💗🙏
Thanks, Veronika. 🙏 And thanks for the insight into Arabic culture. It's interesting once you dissect 'small talk' and values from around the world. I'm glad you enjoyed it, xo
Its truly our choice ❤️
100% 🙏
I loved reading this, Lani -- you really put me, the reader, into your shoes. Thanks for an enjoyable ten minutes!
Thanks, Heather. I hope this means you listened along. And that's a high compliment, I really appreciate your words, xo
Funny that you mention your stepdaughter in BKK because my Thai-British friend hailed a taxi for me (without me asking) to ensure that I'd get home late one night and that I wouldn't be overcharged. She's fluent in Thai and lives there. In any case, yes, at some point you need to accept what is out of your control and go with it. Life flows along easier then, eh? 😉
But good of you to learn Korean! I heard they revamped their reading system so now the country enjoys a 100% literacy rate. So smart.
Wow, thanks Somy. I'm happy to hear that the humor came through and that you picked up on the nuances of "being a fish out of water". It's been a long journey (and it continues!), and I'm not the same person I was when I started to live overseas. 🙏🙏